So…what is the objective of life? The old Kim would have answered, ‘to make as much money as possible!’ But the new Kim has a totally different perspective. As I sit here in my coffee shop typing to you, my current life objective is to gain more and more fulfilment (indefinitely). Making money might be a part of my strategy but it’s not the end goal.
Oh how this new perspective changes everything. Rather than live my life questioning what will give me the largest return on investment, I now need to become an expert at asking what will give me the most fulfilment. Instead of thinking, how much money will I make…I now need to think, will this activity make my heart sing and my body buzz.
As a child I watched my parents argue over not having enough money. I often had to wear clothes that were too small and not cool amongst my peers. I felt that I missed out on the things my friends received. I never had the best toys nor did I ever go on a vacation. I remember getting a fake cabbage patch doll (one that my grandmother made me) rather than a store purchased doll. I was so ashamed – I couldn’t tell my friends that I didn’t have the real thing! As a child I felt so inadequate. So poor. My environment was one in which fulfilment in life was unheard of. I was so upset about being poor that I decided my life mission was to make money. Yes…money would solve everything (or so I thought!)
My parents were not taught about living a fulfilled life – they were taught that life was a struggle and something to be endured not enjoyed. They thought the objective of life was to survive…and the ways that they chose to cope were through drugs and alcohol. I seriously can’t blame them – when life hurts so much any relief must seem appealing.
I wonder, however, how different their lives would have been if they were taught a different life objective? My father was a brilliant artist – a creative genius and my mother was (and still is) full of creative abilities. If only they could have rid themselves of all the crap they were filled with as children/young adults and unleash their true beautiful selves! My mother is making good progress and perhaps my father is too – we don’t talk much so I don’t know.
Anyway, living my whole life in the pursuit of money isn’t something I can shake off easily. I find myself enjoying something – a new toy, doing art, understanding a company and all I can think about is how to make money from it. When talking to friends about their companies I quickly come up with strategies or ideas as to how they can double profits. I’m so money orientated that I do get a bit of a buzz coming up with ideas…but then I feel deflated when I consider having to put the time in to make the idea work.
So – what will net me the greatest fulfilment in life? I don’t know. Well…that’s not fair. I do know quite a few things that do make me feel fulfilled. I’m just not sure how to be fulfilled and afford it at the same time. Or is that just an excuse to bring money into the equation again? Each day I read, write, connect with people, spend time with my family and fit in exercise and or meditations. I am lucky enough to spend time on our boat, do art workshops and get a massage here and there. I have great friends and family to spend time with. But how do I turn this all into a lifestyle that works – one where I allow my creativity to flow in return for an income?
Life was easier when I didn’t have to answer such questions. Instead of being responsible for my fulfilment in life, it was so much easier to bumble along and blame the world for being miserable.
The crazy thing is that I know darn well how to make money…I just don’t know how to make it in a way that I feel fulfilled. Why is this such a dilemma? Why don’t I have the answer to this yet? Universe – it’s been 7 months were I’ve just flowed along and yet I feel none the wiser…help!