Learn how to stay calm, composed and maintain a positive attitude in today’s tough environment

Posted on November 15, 2011 by Kim

Avoid Negative Work Environment

Beware of the “dog eat dog” environment where everyone is fighting to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late. You’ll find yourself working harder and longer only to be undervalued. Stay away from this kind of environment as it will ruin your self-esteem. If you’re currently working in a negative work environment make plans to change jobs as soon as possible. The longer you stay in a negative environment the worse you’re going to feel. There are plenty of employment opportunities where you will be valued…

Avoid Negative People

Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, people who are patronising… all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your self-esteem, as well as to darken your positive attitude. If you feel worse after being around someone then make a clear decision to avoid them from now on!

Accept Change

Changes challenge our paradigms. They tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes will make life difficult for a while, and they may cause stress but it will help us find ways to improve our selves. Keep in mind that during all changes things are only temporary – have confidence that life is taking you where you need to go!

Don’t Let Past Experiences Bog You Down

It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let pain transform itself into fear. It might grab you by the tail and swing you around. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson. As the guru’s say, ‘there is no such thing as failure – only feedback!’

If You Have A Negative World View Get Rid Of It

Look at what you’re paying attention to. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building a positive attitude, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations. Rather than see the litter on the street, look at the 99% of the area that has no littler. Rather than watch the nasty man that is being rude, look at the 99% of people that are smiling and helpful! You don’t have to focus on the negative – you have a choice on what you look at.

Determination Theory

The way you are and your behavioral traits is said to be a mixed end product of your inherited traits, your upbringing, and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, the company, the economy or your circle of friends. You have your own identity. If your father is a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.

Sometimes, you may want to wonder if some people are born leaders or positive thinkers. NO. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building a positive attitude and drawing lines for your improvement is a choice, not a rule or a talent.

Enjoying the journey will lead to a more positive life if we become responsible for who we are, what we have and what we do. It’s like a flame that should gradually spread like a brush fire from inside and out. When we develop a positive frame of mind, we take control of our mission, values and discipline….and that will enable us to enjoy our passage more and more.

Amen. x

Inspiration to change your career if you’re not on the right path!

Posted on September 30, 2011 by Kim

My career choice (and journey through business) was greatly influenced by negative feedback from teachers. As a kid I absolutely loved to write but was told I can’t spell and I don’t grasp grammar. My English teacher said that perhaps I’d have better luck in Math? I also enjoyed Art but was told by family, ‘you can’t make money being an artist!’

Silly me for listening to my environment!

Crazy isn’t! What’s even crazier is that through a series of unrelated actions I eventually became a writer (in addition to owning/managing a couple companies). I currently have a couple of my own columns in magazines/newspapers. The girl that was told to ‘try math’ has also been published by over 50 different publications in 10 -20 different countries! The editors all say that I can’t spell and I don’t know grammar, but my style is ‘fresh and alive!’ One editor told me that my style ‘ is what the public want’.

Surprise, surprise. I eventually became what I always wanted to become but was told I wasn’t good enough.

As a child you’re so vulnerable. Anyone anywhere can say something and that something might stick for a long time. That something might shape an entire life. It’s sad if the things that stick aren’t in line with truth of a child. And it’s even sadder if the things that stick deflate confidence, remove hope and render the child depressed. And what’s worse is when that child becomes an adult and fails to re-evaluate whether or not they should have believed the crap they were shovelled as a kid…

Okay – enough doom and gloom! I don’t want to mess up my mascara.

So….what did you always want to do when you were a child? Are you doing it now? If not, do you wish you could do it? Are you not doing something because you were told as a kid that you weren’t good enough?

Contrary to what anyone says or has ever said – your family, your teachers, or your boss – they don’t know your truth. They don’t know what will make your heart sing – only you can figure that one out.

If you’re not happy doing what you’re doing now, you won’t be happy later. And what sense does it make to sacrifice happiness for a bit of enjoyment in the future that may never come?

If you’re not enjoying your journey now I seriously urge you to take a bit of time and contemplate what you dreamed of as a kid. What would you love to do if you could? It’s never too late. When I was in university I had a 90 year old woman taking Applied Statistics with me. It’s never too late to change and find a journey that’s worth traveling. And it’s never too late to say, ‘Teacher/Boss/Whoever – you were wrong…I am good enough!’

Okay – I’ll get off my soap box now. Smiles, x

It’s not what happens to you but rather what you do about it that matters

Posted on August 26, 2011 by Kim

In other words…stop blaming other people for your issues and choose to take responsibility for your life!

This is such a profound bit of wisdom yet why can’t most people (including me) keep this in the forefront of our mind?

Actually, perhaps I need to change that question…why can’t we keep it in mind when our reactions cause us to get upset?

Last night my husband was getting money out of an ATM and two drunk guys tried to pick a fight. Thankfully my hubby brushed them off and we carried on our way. In the past I would have let the whole incident bother me, but I made a conscious thought that went something like this: “they’re drunk and they don’t know what they’re doing.” I quickly forgot about the whole thing and I didn’t get upset.

So – this is what happened: Something not-so-nice happened; I chose to react in a way that acknowledged the incident and then enabled me to move on without causing any emotional upheaval.

Now…my question to you is why can’t most of us do that for every not-so-nice thing that occurs? If we could train ourselves to realise that no one is to blame and choose to react to any situation in a way that we want then we will be in control over our emotional state.

Sounds simple, but when you need that kind of thought process the most, it seems to disappear.

Perhaps I can learn from watching other people…When I’m ‘forced’ to get in the car with my father-in-law I have to endure his road rage. No matter where we go all other drivers are too slow, incompetent or idiots. He gets worked up, yells nasty things and you can see his blood pressure rise.

When I see him act this way I look at him like he’s a moron – to me, it’s as clear as day that it’s his reaction to the world that is causing the upset…not the other drivers.

I’m just as bad as my father-in-law but thankfully I’m not triggered by other drivers. My triggers are ????

Bullies – when I see someone bullying someone else I really get worked up and if I’m not careful I become a bully to the bullier – not good.
Incompetence – it drives me up a wall when people don’t do something to the best of their ability.
Laziness – I can’t handle it when people complain about their situation and then do nothing about it. That’s a massive trigger for me.
Pushiness – If I’m in a queue and someone pushes me I fill up with serious anger. I have no idea where it comes from but I will snap at someone if they invade my personal space!

Wow…I’ve really learned something about myself today. Those are just a few of my triggers – I don’t think I’ve ever contemplated what triggers me to get upset before.

So – the question now is how can I choose to react to bullies, or incompetent, lazy or pushy people? I don’t know the answer to that. Perhaps now that I’m more conscious of the fact that those are triggers I can choose to react rather than function on autopilot?

Keep asking yourself – does this task, activity or journey feel right?

Posted on August 19, 2011 by Kim

This whole concept about being conscious of my thoughts and feelings is amazing. Rather than getting stuck into something and spending weeks (and dare I say years) on autopilot I’m starting to question the value of my journey each day and sometimes every hour.

When I get a funny feeling that things aren’t right, I’ve started to contemplate what’s causing the feeling. I tell myself that the feelings are an internal reaction to something. Rather than blame someone or something for the funny feeling I investigate and often find that I’m doing something that doesn’t match up with my values.

For example, yesterday I was requested to attend a meeting where I would have to pretend to be committed, enthusiastic and even visionary. After the request came through I felt a knot in my stomach, my shoulders started to tense and I felt ‘funny’. At first, I blamed the person who asked me to attend the meeting.

But after sleeping on it things I realised that the issue was inside me – pretending to be someone I’m not goes against my values. Once I realised what the real issue was, I simply told the guy running the meeting that I’m happy to do it but I’m not going to be committed, enthusiastic or visionary. He can then make the decision if he wants me there or not.

And lately…while I’m working on a project I’ll ask myself, ‘Kim – are you enjoying this?’ The answer isn’t always yes – the task may not be enjoyable, but there’s often value in it and I can make a conscious decision to carry on doing it (or not).

Again – I keep coming back to the same conclusion. Enjoying the journey doesn’t mean that I’m happy every second of the day. It means that I’m conscious of what I’m doing and I am choosing to do or not do tasks according to my feelings and values.

I once read in a book that feelings are a guidance system – they tell you if you’re going off-course. I finally understand this concept! If you can pay attention to how you feel…and if you’re not feeling right…there’s something going on that needs to be looked at.

Anyhooooooo, do you periodically ask yourself if you’re enjoying your journey throughout the day?

Is it possible to manually turn your thought process on and off

Posted on August 8, 2011 by Kim

I wonder if it’s possible to manually turn your thought process on and off? I spent the entire weekend not thinking about my businesses because I’ve mentally detached myself from them. Why couldn’t I do that when I was engaged with the companies?

This weekend was rather interesting…My hubby was away and I had my daughter, S, for two full days. You might think that’s no big deal, but I’m the worker in our household. I’m use to waking S up, giving her food and then going off to work to support the family.

Staying home alone with a 15 month old for two whole days is hard freakin’ work! I seriously don’t know how single mums or dads do it.

Right…It’s not the first time that I’ve looked after S for a couple days, however it’s the first time that I was fully present while looking after. There’s a big difference between thinking about work while playing with a child and simply playing with a child for the sake of playing!

I can’t help but think, ‘what the heck have I been doing all these years?’ My thoughts have been so far removed from my live life. What I mean is that I’ve been going through the motions of looking after S (amongst other things) but not being present.

What a tragic mistake! All I can say is thankfully I’ve discovered my wrong thinking now and not when I’m 80.

Anyway, now that I’ve made the clear decision to leave my companies I don’t have the constant thoughts flooding my head. I don’t have to worry about an employee that I need to dismiss or a boring drawn out management meeting or having to come up with some sort of strategy to get buy-in over something.

So…throughout the weekend I kept feeling this odd sensation – it’s as if my brain was telling me, ‘Kim…you should be thinking about the businesses…oh yeah – you don’t need to think about them. Carry on enjoying what you are doing.’

It’s like entering summer break after leaving university. You have this overwhelming urge to get your homework done and then you realise that there is no more homework.

Fortunately, I was able to be present and blow bubbles (and help pop them), read ‘The Ladybird that never said a word,’ (8 times), squeeze myself into an indoor kiddie playground (with S and 15 other toddlers), have a water war in the tub (I won), and see who would win a very important race – Thomas The Tank Engine vs The Bus (Thomas won).

Additionally, for the first time in 14 years I went to lunch with my father-in-law. We had a great time – surprise, surprise!

What the heck is going on? I feel like I’m in some sort of matrix type thing where I took the red pill rather than the blue pill. It’s like I’ve woken up from a bad dream to find that life and the journey is incredible…but it’s only incredible if you brain & heart are at the same place at the same time.

So, I’ll ask the question again, is it possible to manually turn your thought process on and off? Going forward, how can I ensure I don’t get caught up in work so much that I miss the present?

An unexpected laugh-fest at 5am taught me some lessons about life

Posted on August 6, 2011 by Kim

Lately I’ve focused quite a bit about enjoying my new work-related journey rather than my family, social, educational, spiritual, etc journeys. As I’ve written before I believe that the journey need not be segmented into separate groups – I need to uncover ways to enjoy all aspects of my life.

I suppose that I’ve had the largest change with my work situation and therefore it’s been my highest concern.

Saying that, I had two magical moments last night that had nothing to do with work – one was around 9:15pm and the other was at 4:55am. I’m sure you’re wondering what kind of crazy night I had to keep me up so late. Well…It’s not that kind of story.

My 15 month old daughter just started to go to nursery on Monday’s and Fridays. The transition has been difficult for her as she seems to get overtired and finds it difficult to get herself off to dreamland.

Between 8 and 9:30 last night I had to hold S on my chest as I rocked in the rocker. I was tired and would have been asleep myself if it wasn’t for S not being able to settle. My mind raced a bit and I kept thinking, ‘I just want to sleep! God help me!’ And then I decided to see if I could choose to enjoy the moment.

After a few seconds I realised that there will come a time where my daughter will not be able to lay on my chest. There will come a time where she won’t want or need my comforting. One day she’ll be all grown up and my heart will yearn for the closeness that I was currently sharing with her at that very moment.

I almost missed a magical moment because my brain was telling me ‘I’m too tired!’

So…I sat in the dark, with S on my chest nuzzling in with her bunny in one hand and the other around my neck. I feel so elated…so warm…so in love with S and with life in general.

And as I sat in awe, S sat up and decided she wanted to give me a kiss. She just started giving kisses this past week. She gave me about 5 kisses and then I gave her a Eskimo kiss (rubbing noses) and she laughed and laughed and laughed. And then I laughed. At 9:15 S and I were in hysterics enjoying one of the most remarkable moments of my life.

S finally fell asleep after our laugh-fest. Then around 4am she started crying. I’m sure that she’s also teething. I wasn’t happy about the early wake-up call, but what can you do?

I picked up S, cuddled her for an hour and still couldn’t get her to settle. My husband is away so I thought I’ll just bring her into our bed and see if she’ll get to sleep with me. I’m nervous about doing things like that as I don’t want S coming to bed with us to become a habit.

Anyway, I laid her down next to me and we faced each other. She giggled and then I giggled and the laugh-fest started once again! I couldn’t believe that at 5am in the morning I would be capable of laughing. That’s just nuts.

So…I suppose there’s lots to draw from my two magical moments last night. The first is that I was able to override my thoughts about being tired and just make a choice to enjoy the moment. The other thing I learned is that I need to be more open and accept that life doesn’t have to be the way I think it is. Until today I would have never predicted that I would wake-up (against my will) and enjoy a laugh-fest at the crack of dawn.

So – how’s your journey going?

If your current journey isn’t enjoyable/fulfilling try something else…

Posted on August 5, 2011 by Kim

It’s been a weird couple days. I’ve been using the work weird a lot lately – eh?

On Wednesday I travelled to the North of England to help a friend with his business. I couldn’t help but feel like I was in my body but not in my life. I’m sure it sounds strange, but my decision to leave my businesses has caused me to be in different places than I normally would be. This in turn has made me feel as if I’m dreaming…or as if I’ve been transported to another dimension. I’m real but everything around me is somewhat different.

When I’d normally have my head down writing yet another (boring) article I was instead trying to navigate the Virgin train system and then discuss a lead generation system with two Northern blokes. Regardless of my whereabouts, I thoroughly enjoyed the trip.

Did you see the movie Sliding Doors? I can’t remember it perfectly, but it plays out how a girl’s life evolves on one path versus another (Gwyneth Paltrow was the lead star). In one situation she stays in a dead-beat relationship and in the other she gets out, starts over and has a great journey. The interesting thing is that in the end she ends up at the same destination.

So…perhaps the movie (and how I’m feeling) is a key message to how life works? You’re going to end up at some milestone eventually and the path can be enjoyable or not.

They key message is that you have power over which path you decide to take. It was totally up to me to decide to leave my current situation…It was scary, but I had full control over that decision. And can it be as simple as this – if your current journey isn’t enjoyable/fulfilling try something else?

Hmmmm…

I do wonder if everything is so surreal just because it’s new? Perhaps. And maybe an important thing for me is that I need change, variety and new experiences to really enjoy my journey. Well…whatever the case may be, things are feeling good, I’m happy I’m in some other parallel universe (yes – I am joking) and I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing. Here’s to enjoying the journey!

Can enjoying the journey be a goal?

Posted on July 28, 2011 by Kim

Yesterday and today have been difficult. On one hand I’m working on stepping out of my companies and on the other hand I’m considering what my future might look like. It’s like one foot is in the past and another is in the future. I’m definitely not living in the ‘now’. Perhaps that’s my problem!

On Facebook I posted the following, ‘I seriously don’t know what to do with the rest of my life.’ I received a wide variety of responses including:

Go back to school
Babies, babies, babies
I don’t know what to do either

Additionally, one person commented that their life was full of change and they didn’t know how to handle it. A wide variety of responses – eh?

Well…no one can tell me what to do with the rest of my life. And I suppose I don’t need to decide today or tomorrow or even next month. For ages I’ve been a target girl – I’ve always had goals. I’ve always had to be and feel productive…to achieve…to get rich.

Perhaps it’s not having goals/targets that are the issue. Perhaps it’s that the goals/targets need to be worthwhile? A goal to become a millionaire is totally different that having a goal to ‘enjoy the journey’ of life. But how do I make ‘enjoying the journey’ a goal? It’s one of those things you are either doing or your not – right?

Oh, I don’t know.

Or do I? We all have the choice to feel how we feel from one moment to the next. Sadly, we’re often on autopilot and forget that the choice is ours. If I could find a way to choose to feel fulfilled moment after moment would that help me to enjoy the journey more?

Nope…I don’t know. Your thoughts?

How to make the journey of life worth travelling – I think?

Posted on July 25, 2011 by Kim

Right – where do I start?

Okay, it’s been seven years since I started my first company. And six years since my second. For the first few years I didn’t take a salary and invested all profits earned back into the companies. By year four I was able to get a modest salary dreaming of the day where I could pay off my debts and be financially free. And in year six, my dreams of a six figure income (and handsome dividend pay-outs) finally came to fruition.

At first it was wonderful to feel the freedom of having money. I paid off my student loan, credit cards and purchased a car with cash. I went shopping and knew that I could buy anything I wanted.

For a few months it was great. And then something strange happened.

After buying new clothes, shoes, the car, a few amazing holidays and even a super-duper-top-notch hot tub it dawned on me that the game was over. I had won the money game. Just like the feeling you get when you win a video game, I had the quick shot of excitement followed by sense of deflation. I went into stores and realised that although I could buy anything in the store, I didn’t really have the desire to purchase stuff anymore.

It freaked me out. For as long as I can remember I just wanted to have money. If I had money, all problems would be solved. Life would be perfect.

Well…after winning the money game, my life wasn’t perfect. My life now had a hole – a big fat hole. What do I think about now? Why do I get out of bed? What is my purpose? If the meaning of life isn’t to get rich, than what is it?

To make matters worse, I spent year after year doing things that I didn’t necessarily enjoy. So – the journey wasn’t that great and the destination wasn’t worth my travels. Amazing – eh?

I am being a bit cynical. Over the years I have had some great times – I’ve learned loads, have met some of the most amazing people in the world and I have thousands of incredible memories. I just wish that I knew what I know now then. I could have made my journey much better.

So, this is what I’ve decided to do to make my current journey worth travelling…

1. Figure what my purpose in life is as it’s clearly not all about having a 6-figure income. I have a feeling it’s more about giving, growing, having fun, being authentic, living for today…

2. Take a giant leap and somehow remove myself from the running of my companies (massive yikes – how will I make money? What will I do?)

3. Follow my heart about everything – future businesses, friends, family, social events, me-time. Rather than doing things automatically, to stop and think/feel if it’s right first.

4. Make myself spend time every day figuring out how I can enjoy the journey; hence this blog.

Yes I’m scared! I have no idea what I’m going to do or how I’m going to do it. Watch this space!

Living with purpose and enjoying the journey (an experiment to choosing a different path)

Posted on July 24, 2011 by Kim

“Many of us postpone our dreams, reaching mid-life only to realise we have spent too much time concentrating on how and what we have been dong, while neglecting to question why we have been doing it.” Think of an Elephant, Paul Bailey

Looking back at my personal hand-written journal I found several entries where I indicated ‘why’ I wanted to start and run a company. To summarise them, the three main points are below. It was interesting to see that the prioritisation of them changed throughout the years…Number 3 was my number one priority in 2004 (when I first started a company); however that is now last on the list.

1. To express my creative energy by creating strategies, writing, educating, helping people to learn and grow. To wake up and feel good about the fact that I am, in some way, helping those around me to have a better life. This may be in the way of saving them money, educating them, listening, supporting them or simply showing I care. And when I say ‘people’ I mean, co-workers, people who read my publications, service providers, the check-out girl at the shop, any person I come in contact with…

2. To create a company where people felt connected, loved, a part of something special. Where they felt safe to express themselves and to grow. To prove to the world that you can create a company where everyone feels special, loved and able to be the best they can be. To work as a team to make something bigger than the sum of it’s parts. To laugh, to cry, to share, to care… To have a family that is supportive and wants to work together to make the world better.

3. To earn a monthly cash-flow that allows me (and hubby) to live comfortably and to grow our assets so that we will one day have financial security for us, our families and our friends in need.

Looking over this list, I’m saddened to say that I’ve fallen into the trap of concentrating on ‘how’ and ‘what’ rather than ‘why’. When I get up every morning, I think about ‘how’ I’m going to make it throughout the day without having a mental breakdown. I think about ‘what’ I need to do to hide the fact that I am putting on one big act. I’ve managed to get myself into a position where I’m not the person I really am. I’m so stressed and frustrated that I’m not the Kim that I know I really am. I’m a Kim that wants to hide away and avoid others seeing the worst I have to offer.

You can call me idealistic and naïve to have such ‘why’s’? But I don’t care. I’d rather work and die trying to live to those why’s (the three listed above) rather than accepting that this world is a crap place, work is hard and something to be endured and that ‘frustration’ is the way it has to be.

I always told myself that if I have to die trying, I will always seek the truth. The truth that I believe exists. I will always try to find the formula to loving rather than hating…to connection rather than separation.

Saying all this, I know I have choice…and I know that I can choose to react to situations differently, I can choose to remove myself from situations and I can choose to try (or suggest) a different path.

When I break down my main concerns, they all revolve around the fact that I am not working towards or achieving my three ‘why’s’.

The first is expressing my creative energy. Rather than write, create and work on ways to bring benefits to others (readers, employees, clients) I’m bogged down and frustrated in work that doesn’t interest me at all. I feel that I have no time to focus on anything and I’m constantly fighting to get a return for the hard work invested.

The second is owning/working at an organisation that doesn’t really operate on my core values. This is due to several factors that I won’t go into now. But because of how things have evolved, my leading skills only show frustration and anger…I have become a very poor leader indeed. I’m afraid to go to work…I’m afraid that I’ve become someone that tells people to do stuff rather than empowers them to want to do stuff. I’m afraid that I’ve become someone that really doesn’t care because I can’t find the time to care. This isn’t me.

The third revolves around financial security. Provided I can endure future years of stress and frustrations I do believe that there will be a substantial financial gain…but at what price? I’d rather make little money and have my health. (Actually – I’d rather make lots of money, have my health and totally enjoy life!)

My current state is not good. And it really doesn’t have to be this way. I can choose another way…But then I ask myself, am I only falling prey to the ‘grass is greener’ syndrome. Or the, ‘Things will be better if XYZ happen…’

I believe that if you’re not happy now, you’re not going to be happy later. However, I also believe that we make our reality…and I’ve gone way off course and rather than thinking about my ‘why’s’ all I’ve done is thought about ‘how’ and ‘what’.

Now that I’ve revisited why I want to get up every morning I feel as if I have many choices. It’s as if I fell of my path and didn’t know I was off-roading…and now I’m prepared to get back on the path.

So, this is my first post on my way to waking up and feeling good. It’s time for me to become accountable and choose the path that I really want to live. (Yikes).

To read my story, go here.

Enjoying The Journey

To demonstrate that it’s possible to make your journey through life more enjoyable

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